Love Letters to You

[a1y_puff]

Oh, first of all, Happy Chinese New Year for those who celebrate it!

Now, HAPPY VALENTINES to my dearest F-list! And as in my case and probably some of you, HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY! XD *bricked*

Sorry, no fics or arts. Still kinda sick here, and RL is still mean to me >.>;

But anyhoo, since today is Valentine's Day, I decided to express my love to you dearest F-list, who has been with me all these times, whether and bearing with me and the stuff I put in this journal and share their stuff with me too.

WARNING: I'm so going to be sappy today. Just because I feel like it. *bricked*

Dear F-list,

Thank you for friending me.

Thank you for reading my entries, fandom-related or not.

Thank you, especially for those who offered smiles and hugs when I was happy or down and emo-ing.

Thank you for your concern and attention and for all the laugh and joy and squeal we share.

Thanks for having been with me at some point of our LJ life, and especially thanks to those who are STILL with me up until now.

Ai loves you! :D

---

Now while I'm at it, I'd like to do the 'Honorable Mentions'. For tacuma811 and isumi_ilde, whose birthdays are in this month and whom I promised birthday fics but it seems I won't be able to write anytime soon, I'M SORRY! >.<

But you two are dear to me, so for now just let me tell you how much I love you? :D
I'm not good with poetic words so I won't even attempt to, but I hope they convey what I feel :)


Dear Ann-chan,

You're one of my longest LJ friends. You've been constantly emailing with me since 2007, and you're still here even until now.

We've shared a lot of things, talked about anything and everything from fandom to RL. I randomly ranted to you and you bear with it. You shared your p problems and I'm happy you did. Thank you for everything we've shared so far, and I hope we'll continue to share our joy and sadness :)

For now it's just words and sentences, but I hope one day we can meet for real. May our friendship lasts despite our differences and distance.

It's your birthday in three days, and I'm sorry I have nothing for you yet, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you could achieve what you've been hoping for. Advanced Happy Birthday!

Love,
~Ai~

-----


Dear Isu,

I know not what to say, but to me, you're really like a sister I never had. (Though if you count stepsisters, then I do have 3, though I barely know them, so XD).

We shared food and ice cream and soda, we squished in a bed and laughed like crazy. We're stalling when it's time to go home when we meet up, even though your mom would probably scold you and I'd probably be late for my ride home.

It was rather endearing to see you sulk when I had a problem and didn't manage to tell you firsthand, or how you don't want me to leave and then feel horrible about it. But honestly, you don't need to, because it made me feel loved.

Oh, and did I tell you that the warm tea you made when I was sneezing like crazy was exactly how I like to drink my tea? :)

If I do, by some miracle, manage to leave, I'm sure I'd miss you a lot; miss those nonsensical phone calls, miss meeting up and teasing the hell out of you and sharing random food and stories and secrets.

And I'm sorry but since the day you asked me if you could call me 'Neesan', I'm afraid now you're stuck with me as your sister for indefinite time limit, because there are people I don't let go.

These are the words that you would never get out of my mouth no matter what; my fingers are just traitorous like that. But do know that I'm happy to have you as a sister, even when we share no blood ties. So thank you for this, for the things I failed to mention, for everything you've given me whether you know it or not.

Happy, happy birthday again, and wish you all the best in life, because you deserve it.

With love,
~Ai~

---

Happy Valentines 2010, Dearies~! Luv ya all!


P.S. For those who requested on my VOICE POST MEME, go to my previous entry if you haven't seen it. The results are ready. It's F-locked though ^^;

Comments

[may-unleashed.livejournal.com]

*chu chu*

Happy Valentine's, dear Ali-chan!!

I hope you are doing great over there, and I look forward to lots and lots of hanging around in LJ and spending great time -and great conversations and fangirl squeals!- with you!!

I have no offerings either (sad) and I really wanted to write a Yullen present for you (as you keep asking for fluff LOL) but I hope that before February is over, I can write something again!

*huggles*

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*
Happy Valentines to you too, May-san! <3

I'm looking forward to talk to and fangirl with you more and more to, here in eljay :D

Oooh, I would love you even more than I already do if you'd write a Yullen for me *____*
It doesn't matter when but I'd totally love some Yullen fluff from you. I just know it's gonna be awesome! :D
*nudge nudge*

Hope to see more of your fics! *clings*

[anyajulia.livejournal.com]

of course we're still here... whether it be an entry or rant... we'll still be here.. (^---^)

i might have met you online, but i hope the friendship will not be limited to that...

thanks for giving me great tefu fics..

i love you ai-chan....

[anyajulia.livejournal.com]

oh.. today is "single awareness day"? then count me in....

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Anya~ :D
Yeah, I hope our friendship wouldn't be limited to fandom and online stuff ^^

Luv you too, Anya~ <3

And yes, welcome to the Single Awareness Day XD

[kencana-kencana.livejournal.com]

Happy Valetine!

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentines to you too <3

[paranoid-fridge.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentine's Day & Happy Lunar New Year!

To many return's of this day in the year's to come! ^_^ And to still being friends then (and fangirling). Best of wishes & I hope rl gets a less stressy in the near future!

*hugs*

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentines and Lunar New Year to you too! :D
Hope we're still gonna be friends a long time from now ^^
And thanks! *hugs*

Btw your request for the voice meme is ready. It's in my previous entry :D

[paranoid-fridge.livejournal.com]

^^ That'd be great. And maybe one day we'll actually get to meet, too. *hugs*

shhh, I actually bookmarked the post, but I'll wait until I have some more privacy until listening to it (left my headphones back at my uni flat). Hope I'll get around to listening to it tonight ^^

[kat-himesama.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentines Day and Happy Chinese New Year to you Ai_chan! More love, good health and blessings may come your way..

Your letters are so sweet! I hope we could also be RL friends..I wanted to see your Voice Meme,, but you haven't added me...T__T Do I sound like I'm ranting? hihihi

♥hugs and kisses to you always!♥

*make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present*

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Gah, I'm sorry! Must've slipped my mind.. Anyway, there, I just added you! Now you can access the voice post meme if you want ^^

Thanks! Happy Valentines and Lunar New Year to you too!
And yeah, it'd be nice to be RL friends too <3

[gold-paperclips.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year to you too (:

<3, lizzie!

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year~ :D

[isumi-ilde.livejournal.com]

Dearest aiy-neesan,

*huggles*
I don't even know what to say. Just...mou.

I've always.. looked up to you this whole time, you know. From the first time I stumbled upon your fics. That's what I thought when I asked if it's okay to calle you 'Neesan'. Because I look up to you, even now. It's selfish, I know, so I'm sorry.

And then I met you, and there was a split-second of awkward-ness and suddenly BAM, we're laughing like there's no tomorrow, and for the first time in my life I really feel like having an older-sister--which I've always wanted to have. And I thought, "I want to be closer, like real siblings."

The things I did for you are all simply for my selfish wish. I hated not knowing what's happening to the people I love, because I'd have a feeling of being left. And I hate that--drifting apart. I don't want you to leave because I'm scared of losing people I love--I knew how it felt once, and that's why I don't want you to leave. Almost like--like a self-defense mechanism? If I could, I would've tied down everyone I care about so they can't leave. Geez, now I sound like a creepy stalker. :P

You know what, I'm crying right now, because this feels lie a good-bye letter and I hate goodbyes. Seriously. I don't deserve that letter you wrote--I did everything because I'm selfish that way, and I should be the one thanking you instead. You made me laugh, you trust me with a lot of things, you never shut me out even though I've always been annoying, you read me fics as a lullaby--everything.

I don't want you to go. I know I'm selfish but I don't want you to go away. I don't want you to stop calling me whenever you're done reading a great fic or finishing a new DGM chapter or finding new TeFu hints. I don't want the fangirl meeting time we've had for a year to stop, because then I'd hate to stroll away in PIM feeling like something is missing. I seriously don't want you to go. Not to Spore, not to Malang, not to anywhere, because I'm selfish like that. I'm sorry.

My vision os blurry so I should stop...

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Uh... I didn't mean that as a sad letter... I was just recounting memories >.>;
I'd rather have you cry because you were touched, but maybe it's because it feels like goodbye, huh?

Anyway.

If we're gonna talk about 'selfish', it's a basic trait of humans, so it's normal, really. If you think I have no selfish reasons for 'claiming' you as my sister, then you might've thought too highly of me.

I gave up on having attachment a few years back. I used to believe in those friends-forever stuff and whatever, but in the end, I always feel like my friends don't need me. When I was in grade school, I had someone I claimed my best friend. The next year came a transfer student and she got close to us. In the end, my then-best friend was more compatible with the transfer stud and often go around together, leaving me behind. This is why I avoid being in a group of 3. Trauma at a younger age leaves stronger impressions, see.

During high school, I could get along with anyone and everyone but never belonged in any of the groups. That was until I met my bff and we kinda became a package.

The thing is, she was very well-liked. She got along with everyone and at some point, I thought, she'd do just fine without me. And then she got a bf and she did neglect me a bit.

I learned to loosen my attachment with her then.

And you. I know how well-liked you are. With that personality, there are a lot of people who want to be your friends, who would want to be close to you. You're kind, despite you saying you're just selfish, because a truly selfish person wouldn't realize that they are selfish.

With all those people around you, I thought, you wouldn't need me, you might just...forget. So that's why I said in the letter that I'm afraid you're gonna be stuck with me as your sister, and that there are people I don't let go, because this... This attachment, this..whatever, I don't want to give it up.

See? Selfish reasons. I'm as ugly as you, if not even more so. You've probably had a glimpse or two of how ugly I could be. As an author, you might look up to me, but as a person, I'm not exactly someone to look up to.

But anyway, I'm still happy that you wanted to be closer to me, that you're afraid to lose me, coz at least, I know that I matter to you. And these feelings are, as you can see, selfish. Happiness is selfish. To be human is selfish. But if these selfishness, that the you-want-me to-need-you and I-want-you-to-need-me feelings are mutual, then isn't it good enough?

...and what the hell did I just blabber about. Did you get what I mean? Pokoknya gt de XD *bricked*

And about what you said I've done for you:

-you made me laugh
>> We both laughed. We shared it.

-you trust me with a lot of things
>> It's because I'm comfortable enough with you and I want you to trust me back

-you've never shut me out even though I've always been annoying.
>> No, I never felt you're annoying. In fact, I might be the one to annoy you with all those teasing

-you read me fics as a lullaby
>> I didn't mean it as a lullaby, you just fell asleep on me. I kept waking you up, remember? :p

-everything
>> I could give you arguments for anything you'd throw at me coz as I already told you, I'm good at it--stating facts, I mean. ;p

SO! Don't feel bad/horrible/whatever. If you really thought that high of me, now that you know I'm just as selfish if not even more so...well, we're even? :D

And as for me leaving... There's a smart thing called the internet. There's even a stronger thing called 'bond'. We're not tied by blood but the sisterly bond we've formed and forged after all these times will keep us stuck together. IF I DO leave, I won't stop calling you, because I can do it with skype. Meeting up might be a bit difficult but webcam is good to overcome distance. And do you really think I can stop bothering you with fics/chapters/hints? Well. You're wrong.

....I can't believe we're having this talk here. I think this reply is longer than the letter... >.>;

But oh well. Sisters? :D

[isumi-ilde.livejournal.com]

Gah. I read this in the morning and got teary-eyed again~ I'm much sappier than you, huh? XDDD

Guess we're even, then? XD And since I don't think we'll ever mention this (at least I don't think I will) when we met, then it's okay to talk about it here, no? Ehehe. Sisters! *huggles*

Eh chotto~ did you seriously just typed all those in cp?? 0-o Or did you snag Affa's lappie??

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Nope, I think I won't mention it either. My mouth has a filter XD

I typed them all on my CP, yeah. Be grateful. LoLZ. Affa gak pulang, maybe he got a....valentine's date? Ohohoho~ damn i can't imagine him being in a date.

On another note: WAYSIE IS UPDATED! So is that zombie!Allen fic! Hee~<3

And the meme pwease, I'm guessing you forgot about it after reading the letter. LoL.

[(Anonymous)]

Grwau~ The Meme. I forgot the Meme. Your fault~

Uhhhmmm~~ for Yullen, Clockwatching.
This part:
“Oh well,” Kanda hears the Sprout says, “Might as well enjoy the break.”

“Whatever.”

“Now tell me about that tattoo and lotus thing.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I told you about the Fourteenth in the mirrors. And windows. It’s only fair that you tell me something too.”

(Because that part wins my life. XDDD
I'm having difficulties of which TeFu fic I should choose, so I'll get back to that later~)

[isumi-ilde.livejournal.com]

^Auuugh~ that was me. Gomen! I was viewing the Persona 4 anonymous kink!meme comm, and forgot to log back in. --a And it's your faulr that I even forgot that this post doesn't even contain the meme. --a

Running t your other entry, then. :P

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

LoL. Don't blame me for your mistakes :p

Oh btw, animegoil says she's finishing a chapter of Lacquer right now. Yay? 8D

[tacuma811.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much Ai-chan. You almost made me cry (but not in a bad way ^_^) I love you and I really hope we can meet *hugs tightly*

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

You're welcome~<3 (I should've made it longer, then you'd probably cry XD *shot*)

Love you too, and let's just believe we're gonna meet someday :D *snugs*

[tacuma811.livejournal.com]

You really like to make me cry, ne? XD

Me too! Let's keep believing and one day it will happen for sure ^____^

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Hehe yeah, but cry for a good reason XD

Yeah, it will ^^

Btw, you still can't open the recordings? My friend said she downloaded MIKSOFT Mobile Amr Converter so that she can open them. Maybe you can try? :3

[ravient.livejournal.com]

happy v-day~ X3

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Happy V-day to you too! <3

[raatkerani.livejournal.com]

ai, love you too

[dark-kana.livejournal.com]

*glomps* Ai-chan! A day too late, but Happy Valentine's day for you as well! ^^
And of course we are still here! ^^ You're too sweet and your fanfics are amazing!! ^^ *hugs*

[sheilaluv.livejournal.com]

Neesan~! Since my eeeevil lecturer assistant doesn't teach today, I can happily jump to your page! Even if it's late, Happy Single Awareness Day! XD *throws confetti*

Bukan berarti Valentine sendirian harus sedih, kan? Setidaknya Valentine ini aku banyak dapat kue bakul.. mwahahaha~ dan akhirnya bisa selesai nonton Soukyuu no Fafner. Kalo tanya ke Isumi-chan, dia mungkin bilang aku udah teracun SouKazu :P

Dan tentang suratnya.. ya ampun, aku yang baca sampe gak tau mau bilang apa. Aku juga tau itu bukan untukku, tapi aku speechless beneran T.T. Somehow, yang Isu bilang bener. Sista seolah mau pergi jauh aja... dan aura angst menguar dari tiap kata seolah menegaskan maksudnya. Mou, where's the cheerful and bouncy neesan I used to know? :(

Aku tau ini aku gak pantas ngomong tentang hal ini, karena aku juga gak ketemu neesan dan Isu di RL, tapi... selama rasa sayang sebagai 'sister' itu masih ada, semuanya bakal baik-baik aja. Dan lagi, bukankah semua hal yang terjadi di dunia ini saling terintegrasi? Allah pasti punya alasan kenapa mempertemukan neesan dan Isumi-chan, so.. cheer up, both of you! Yes, BOTH OF YOU!! XD XD

Sekian mini rambling untuk hari ini. Kayaknya aku harus mulai kerja--tugas kuliah, hutang fanfic + drabble, dan hutang materi workshop. Mantap dah :P

See ya, aiy-neesan! Let love lead your way! *huggles*

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Nyahaha, ga masalah si single di hari Valentine. Yg penting coklatnya XD *bricked*
Ah, jadi pnasaran ma Fafner... Adekku bisa dsuru donlot ga ya, hawhaw...

Soal surat... Ahaha... Aura angst? Wow XD;
Seperti yg aku bilang ke Isu, aku ga bermaksud bikin surat sedih. Kenapa efeknya gitu yah? Hawhaw... >.>;
And the 'cheerful-and-bouncy-Neesan' lagi perlu di recharge batre biar bisa bouncing lagi, soalnya kehabisan energi ;)

And yes, ma'am, we're recovering XD
Thanks *snugs*

Wahaha, banyak kerjaan yah, good luck, sis! And btw bwat meme-nya lemme think of a good reply first, yeah :D
*huggles*

[tsundelenxkaho.livejournal.com]

Happy Belated Valentine Day~

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

Belated Happy Valentine's day to you too~
Btw your request for the voice post meme is ready :)

[mitsu-syusuke.livejournal.com]

*glomps Ai-chan!*
happy belated single-awareness day to you too! ^^

ivy

[a1y-puff.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Yay, happy belated Valentines XD

This solved my big problem

[(Anonymous)]

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