Uh... I didn't mean that as a sad letter... I was just recounting memories >.>; I'd rather have you cry because you were touched, but maybe it's because it feels like goodbye, huh?
Anyway.
If we're gonna talk about 'selfish', it's a basic trait of humans, so it's normal, really. If you think I have no selfish reasons for 'claiming' you as my sister, then you might've thought too highly of me.
I gave up on having attachment a few years back. I used to believe in those friends-forever stuff and whatever, but in the end, I always feel like my friends don't need me. When I was in grade school, I had someone I claimed my best friend. The next year came a transfer student and she got close to us. In the end, my then-best friend was more compatible with the transfer stud and often go around together, leaving me behind. This is why I avoid being in a group of 3. Trauma at a younger age leaves stronger impressions, see.
During high school, I could get along with anyone and everyone but never belonged in any of the groups. That was until I met my bff and we kinda became a package.
The thing is, she was very well-liked. She got along with everyone and at some point, I thought, she'd do just fine without me. And then she got a bf and she did neglect me a bit.
I learned to loosen my attachment with her then.
And you. I know how well-liked you are. With that personality, there are a lot of people who want to be your friends, who would want to be close to you. You're kind, despite you saying you're just selfish, because a truly selfish person wouldn't realize that they are selfish.
With all those people around you, I thought, you wouldn't need me, you might just...forget. So that's why I said in the letter that I'm afraid you're gonna be stuck with me as your sister, and that there are people I don't let go, because this... This attachment, this..whatever, I don't want to give it up.
See? Selfish reasons. I'm as ugly as you, if not even more so. You've probably had a glimpse or two of how ugly I could be. As an author, you might look up to me, but as a person, I'm not exactly someone to look up to.
But anyway, I'm still happy that you wanted to be closer to me, that you're afraid to lose me, coz at least, I know that I matter to you. And these feelings are, as you can see, selfish. Happiness is selfish. To be human is selfish. But if these selfishness, that the you-want-me to-need-you and I-want-you-to-need-me feelings are mutual, then isn't it good enough?
...and what the hell did I just blabber about. Did you get what I mean? Pokoknya gt de XD *bricked*
And about what you said I've done for you:
-you made me laugh >> We both laughed. We shared it.
-you trust me with a lot of things >> It's because I'm comfortable enough with you and I want you to trust me back
-you've never shut me out even though I've always been annoying. >> No, I never felt you're annoying. In fact, I might be the one to annoy you with all those teasing
-you read me fics as a lullaby >> I didn't mean it as a lullaby, you just fell asleep on me. I kept waking you up, remember? :p
-everything >> I could give you arguments for anything you'd throw at me coz as I already told you, I'm good at it--stating facts, I mean. ;p
SO! Don't feel bad/horrible/whatever. If you really thought that high of me, now that you know I'm just as selfish if not even more so...well, we're even? :D
And as for me leaving... There's a smart thing called the internet. There's even a stronger thing called 'bond'. We're not tied by blood but the sisterly bond we've formed and forged after all these times will keep us stuck together. IF I DO leave, I won't stop calling you, because I can do it with skype. Meeting up might be a bit difficult but webcam is good to overcome distance. And do you really think I can stop bothering you with fics/chapters/hints? Well. You're wrong.
....I can't believe we're having this talk here. I think this reply is longer than the letter... >.>;
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Date: 2010-02-14 04:30 pm (UTC)I'd rather have you cry because you were touched, but maybe it's because it feels like goodbye, huh?
Anyway.
If we're gonna talk about 'selfish', it's a basic trait of humans, so it's normal, really. If you think I have no selfish reasons for 'claiming' you as my sister, then you might've thought too highly of me.
I gave up on having attachment a few years back. I used to believe in those friends-forever stuff and whatever, but in the end, I always feel like my friends don't need me. When I was in grade school, I had someone I claimed my best friend. The next year came a transfer student and she got close to us. In the end, my then-best friend was more compatible with the transfer stud and often go around together, leaving me behind. This is why I avoid being in a group of 3. Trauma at a younger age leaves stronger impressions, see.
During high school, I could get along with anyone and everyone but never belonged in any of the groups. That was until I met my bff and we kinda became a package.
The thing is, she was very well-liked. She got along with everyone and at some point, I thought, she'd do just fine without me. And then she got a bf and she did neglect me a bit.
I learned to loosen my attachment with her then.
And you. I know how well-liked you are. With that personality, there are a lot of people who want to be your friends, who would want to be close to you. You're kind, despite you saying you're just selfish, because a truly selfish person wouldn't realize that they are selfish.
With all those people around you, I thought, you wouldn't need me, you might just...forget. So that's why I said in the letter that I'm afraid you're gonna be stuck with me as your sister, and that there are people I don't let go, because this... This attachment, this..whatever, I don't want to give it up.
See? Selfish reasons. I'm as ugly as you, if not even more so. You've probably had a glimpse or two of how ugly I could be. As an author, you might look up to me, but as a person, I'm not exactly someone to look up to.
But anyway, I'm still happy that you wanted to be closer to me, that you're afraid to lose me, coz at least, I know that I matter to you. And these feelings are, as you can see, selfish. Happiness is selfish. To be human is selfish. But if these selfishness, that the you-want-me to-need-you and I-want-you-to-need-me feelings are mutual, then isn't it good enough?
...and what the hell did I just blabber about. Did you get what I mean? Pokoknya gt de XD *bricked*
And about what you said I've done for you:
-you made me laugh
>> We both laughed. We shared it.
-you trust me with a lot of things
>> It's because I'm comfortable enough with you and I want you to trust me back
-you've never shut me out even though I've always been annoying.
>> No, I never felt you're annoying. In fact, I might be the one to annoy you with all those teasing
-you read me fics as a lullaby
>> I didn't mean it as a lullaby, you just fell asleep on me. I kept waking you up, remember? :p
-everything
>> I could give you arguments for anything you'd throw at me coz as I already told you, I'm good at it--stating facts, I mean. ;p
SO! Don't feel bad/horrible/whatever. If you really thought that high of me, now that you know I'm just as selfish if not even more so...well, we're even? :D
And as for me leaving... There's a smart thing called the internet. There's even a stronger thing called 'bond'. We're not tied by blood but the sisterly bond we've formed and forged after all these times will keep us stuck together. IF I DO leave, I won't stop calling you, because I can do it with skype. Meeting up might be a bit difficult but webcam is good to overcome distance. And do you really think I can stop bothering you with fics/chapters/hints? Well. You're wrong.
....I can't believe we're having this talk here. I think this reply is longer than the letter... >.>;
But oh well. Sisters? :D