a1y_puff | [Fic - Kanda/Allen] As the Sun Rises

Title: As the Sun Rises
Author:

a1y_puff
Fandom: D.Gray-Man
Pairing: Kanda/Allen or Allen/Kanda XD
Genre: Angst/Romance
Word Count: 1301
Rating: Umm PG?
Warning: AU, and… weird style? I’m experimenting again… oh, and death.
Summary: But you... Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am? “So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”
Disclaimer: Me owns neither Kanda nor Allen. They belong to each other. *cough cough*

A/N: This is the result of me staying up late until 2am and had a stuffy nose. Damn plotbunny jumping me at midnight and wouldn’t let me go until I wrote it down… And it was written at ungodly hours so I just hope it’ll be okay ^^;;

Oh, special thanks to

mitsu_syusuke for preview-reading it, and to

lafuego for doing a quick-beta for this, even when both of you don't know who these two I'm writing about are. Love you ladies much!

~ As the Sun Rises ~

You are lying there, beautiful and pale. Fragile your body might be, but strong you are being right now. Daring Death to come and get you because, hey, it’s time anyway. It was the reason why you stubbornly decided to get out of the hospital two days ago, right? “The hospital stinks,” you said then, “I don’t want to die surrounded by this smell.”

So here you are now, in your room in our little apartment. And here I am now, sitting by your bedside, watching you breathing; slow yet steady.

You open your eyes slowly and turn your head to me. I smile at you, but you frown and glare at the window behind me.

“It’s nearly dawn, Moron, get away from the window,” you scold.

I can feel my smile widen. “It’s okay. The curtain’s thick. I’ll be fine.” Really, you could’ve just said it nicely if you’re worried about me. But then again, you wouldn’t be you if you actually say something nice, right?

You scowl at me, but then your eyes soften wistfully. “It’s about time, Beansprout,” you nearly whisper; right hand subconsciously moving to cover your left chest, over your failing heart.

“It’s okay, I’ll be here.” I put my hand over yours, and you say nothing about it.

You look at me and search my eyes, and I struggle to keep my smile intact. Yet you see it, don’t you? That fear and pain and the tears I refuse to shed.

“Is that stupid face of yours really the last thing I’d ever have to see before I die?” – ‘You don’t have to stay if it hurts you to watch me die.’

I look back at you, and try my best to smirk.

“Well, it sucks to be you, but yes, this stupid face of mine is going to be the last thing you’d ever see.” – ‘It’s okay. I want to stay.’

You snort. “Damn you.”

‘Thank you…’

Right, you’re not the sweetest person in existence, eh? I’d know, because I think I’ve met one before your time. Lenalee was her name. She was probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met in my long, extended life. She said the sweetest things too.

“I want to spend my forever with you,” she had said once, and that had made me smile.

But you… Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am?

“So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”

Those nonchalant words of yours had made me think back to the life I had been living for centuries. You know, if you’ve lived for so long and have seen too much, you’d slowly become numb. Feelings become insignificant, and you’d just breeze through the days, months and years, passing by without actually being there.

I had always been like that before; living without actually feeling alive, existing through times and yet losing count of time itself.

That was until I met you.

You’ve made me feel again. Those feelings I thought I’ve long forgotten; annoyance, admiration, anger, pain, a sense of companionship, affection…

…Love….

Something I’d thought I’d never feel anymore, especially not for you, of all people. But still, you made it happen, didn’t you? You’ve made us happen.

You were so strong. You still are. You’ve always been strong, but your body—your heart—isn’t. It’s failing you.

Twenty seven years. Such a short lifespan even for a human like you, isn’t it?

“Hey, Beansprout.”

“It’s Allen, BaKanda,” I reply automatically. “You’re never going to call me by my name, aren’t you?”

You give me a look, an unreadable look. And when I’m trying to decipher that look on your face, I notice your breathing is uneven, shallow and slow.

‘No…’

“Fine,” you say, and I throw a questioning glance at you. “Come here… Allen.”

And that’s the last of my defenses crumbling down with my name finally flowing out of your lips. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks, and if by now I still needed to breathe, I would’ve had difficulties doing it.

“What are you crying for, you idiot?” you chide, yet your voice is as gentle as it can ever get, and then you weakly raise a hand to wipe away my tears.

“Nothing,” I say, trying my best to smile and probably failing, judging from that smirk on your face.

“Moron. You cry because I call you by your name? Did you want it that badly?”

I thought I did. Really, I thought I’d cry tears of joy if ever I could get you to call me ‘Allen’.

But…

But if this is how you were going to say my name… if this is you saying goodbye…

“I love you,” I blurt out, clutching at your hand which is still on my right cheek like a lifeline. “I love you. God, I love you, Yuu...”

“I know, stupid,” you reply as you pull me closer. “I know.”

Then we kiss. Slow and chaste, unlike what we usually do when lust takes over. Then my lips move to your left cheek, your left eyelid, your forehead and back to your dry, chapped lips again.

And when I pull back, you whisper, “And it’s not just you.”

‘I love you too.’

Then I hear you gasp, your breathing ragged and then it becomes slower, shallower… I immediately tighten my grip on your hand, while yours loosen on mine.

Then, just for a second, your lips twitched upwards, forming the first and last small I’d ever see on you.

And then…

And then you’re just…

…gone...

I watch you. I watch your closed eyelids, your pale face, your beautiful, ethereal figure lying on your bed. Unmoving, lifeless… surreal.

Hey, your hand is still warm, you know. You look as if you’re just asleep. Except that you’ll never wake up from this one.

And again, my tears flow freely down my face. But right now I don’t bother to wipe it away, don’t care enough to hide it, because…

Because… you’re not here anymore, are you?

Hey, Yuu… tell me, what am I supposed to do now? I told myself years ago that this day would come, that you would go before I do, that I’d be ready to watch you go when the time comes, but now…

But now, I know that I was never ready. I was never ready to lose you, and especially not this fast…

What am I going to do without you now?

It’s meaningless, a life without you. I just know that it is. That I would just go back to my old self, living without feeling. A fleeting existence. Just drifting through time forever…

What is ‘forever’ if I can’t feel it?

I look back at the window just behind me, and judging from the light, the sun is already rising.

If I couldn’t be with you…

Reluctantly, I let go of your hand and stand up. I walk to the window and pull the curtain aside. The sunlight burns my hands, but I ignore it as I open the window too.

It’s bright now in your room, filled with the sunlight that I know you had always loved but couldn’t ever take me into.

It stings. It burns.

Hissing with pain, I walk back to your bed and lie down beside you, burying my face into the crook of your now colder neck. The sun burns from my back, but your cold body in my arms feel nice.

It is slow, and it is painful, but still, I’m with you. And the last thing I’d ever see before I die is your face.

As the sunlight slowly consumes me, I lean up, kiss your cold lips, and smile.

Hey, Yuu… we’re even now, aren’t we?

~NeverEnding~

A/N: so yeah, random vampire fic. Nyahaha… was it weird? But do tell if you got teary-eyed? Anyway, please let me know what you think of it. And if you found errors or if you think it could’ve been better, please just say so and I’d probably fix it… when I get my laptop.

Thanks for reading and review would be loved!

p.s: For my Russian readers! I got two of my Yullen fics translated to Russian. The links are in my sidebar, under the "My Translated Fics" section, if you are interested ^^

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Location: snappy
Current Music: Hotarubi -- Donna Burke