[Fic - Kanda/Allen] As the Sun Rises
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a1y_puffTitle: As the Sun Rises
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
a1y_puff
Fandom: D.Gray-Man
Pairing: Kanda/Allen or Allen/Kanda XD
Genre: Angst/Romance
Word Count: 1301
Rating: Umm PG?
Warning: AU, and… weird style? I’m experimenting again… oh, and death.
Summary: But you... Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am? “So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”
Disclaimer: Me owns neither Kanda nor Allen. They belong to each other. *cough cough*
A/N: This is the result of me staying up late until 2am and had a stuffy nose. Damn plotbunny jumping me at midnight and wouldn’t let me go until I wrote it down… And it was written at ungodly hours so I just hope it’ll be okay ^^;;
Oh, special thanks tomitsu_syusuke for preview-reading it, and to lafuego for doing a quick-beta for this, even when both of you don't know who these two I'm writing about are. Love you ladies much!
~ As the Sun Rises ~
You are lying there, beautiful and pale. Fragile your body might be, but strong you are being right now. Daring Death to come and get you because, hey, it’s time anyway. It was the reason why you stubbornly decided to get out of the hospital two days ago, right? “The hospital stinks,” you said then, “I don’t want to die surrounded by this smell.”
So here you are now, in your room in our little apartment. And here I am now, sitting by your bedside, watching you breathing; slow yet steady.
You open your eyes slowly and turn your head to me. I smile at you, but you frown and glare at the window behind me.
“It’s nearly dawn, Moron, get away from the window,” you scold.
I can feel my smile widen. “It’s okay. The curtain’s thick. I’ll be fine.” Really, you could’ve just said it nicely if you’re worried about me. But then again, you wouldn’t be you if you actually say something nice, right?
You scowl at me, but then your eyes soften wistfully. “It’s about time, Beansprout,” you nearly whisper; right hand subconsciously moving to cover your left chest, over your failing heart.
“It’s okay, I’ll be here.” I put my hand over yours, and you say nothing about it.
You look at me and search my eyes, and I struggle to keep my smile intact. Yet you see it, don’t you? That fear and pain and the tears I refuse to shed.
“Is that stupid face of yours really the last thing I’d ever have to see before I die?” – ‘You don’t have to stay if it hurts you to watch me die.’
I look back at you, and try my best to smirk.
“Well, it sucks to be you, but yes, this stupid face of mine is going to be the last thing you’d ever see.” – ‘It’s okay. I want to stay.’
You snort. “Damn you.”
‘Thank you…’
Right, you’re not the sweetest person in existence, eh? I’d know, because I think I’ve met one before your time. Lenalee was her name. She was probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met in my long, extended life. She said the sweetest things too.
“I want to spend my forever with you,” she had said once, and that had made me smile.
But you… Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am?
“So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”
Those nonchalant words of yours had made me think back to the life I had been living for centuries. You know, if you’ve lived for so long and have seen too much, you’d slowly become numb. Feelings become insignificant, and you’d just breeze through the days, months and years, passing by without actually being there.
I had always been like that before; living without actually feeling alive, existing through times and yet losing count of time itself.
That was until I met you.
You’ve made me feel again. Those feelings I thought I’ve long forgotten; annoyance, admiration, anger, pain, a sense of companionship, affection…
…Love….
Something I’d thought I’d never feel anymore, especially not for you, of all people. But still, you made it happen, didn’t you? You’ve made us happen.
You were so strong. You still are. You’ve always been strong, but your body—your heart—isn’t. It’s failing you.
Twenty seven years. Such a short lifespan even for a human like you, isn’t it?
“Hey, Beansprout.”
“It’s Allen, BaKanda,” I reply automatically. “You’re never going to call me by my name, aren’t you?”
You give me a look, an unreadable look. And when I’m trying to decipher that look on your face, I notice your breathing is uneven, shallow and slow.
‘No…’
“Fine,” you say, and I throw a questioning glance at you. “Come here… Allen.”
And that’s the last of my defenses crumbling down with my name finally flowing out of your lips. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks, and if by now I still needed to breathe, I would’ve had difficulties doing it.
“What are you crying for, you idiot?” you chide, yet your voice is as gentle as it can ever get, and then you weakly raise a hand to wipe away my tears.
“Nothing,” I say, trying my best to smile and probably failing, judging from that smirk on your face.
“Moron. You cry because I call you by your name? Did you want it that badly?”
I thought I did. Really, I thought I’d cry tears of joy if ever I could get you to call me ‘Allen’.
But…
But if this is how you were going to say my name… if this is you saying goodbye…
“I love you,” I blurt out, clutching at your hand which is still on my right cheek like a lifeline. “I love you. God, I love you, Yuu...”
“I know, stupid,” you reply as you pull me closer. “I know.”
Then we kiss. Slow and chaste, unlike what we usually do when lust takes over. Then my lips move to your left cheek, your left eyelid, your forehead and back to your dry, chapped lips again.
And when I pull back, you whisper, “And it’s not just you.”
‘I love you too.’
Then I hear you gasp, your breathing ragged and then it becomes slower, shallower… I immediately tighten my grip on your hand, while yours loosen on mine.
Then, just for a second, your lips twitched upwards, forming the first and last small I’d ever see on you.
And then…
And then you’re just…
…gone...
I watch you. I watch your closed eyelids, your pale face, your beautiful, ethereal figure lying on your bed. Unmoving, lifeless… surreal.
Hey, your hand is still warm, you know. You look as if you’re just asleep. Except that you’ll never wake up from this one.
And again, my tears flow freely down my face. But right now I don’t bother to wipe it away, don’t care enough to hide it, because…
Because… you’re not here anymore, are you?
Hey, Yuu… tell me, what am I supposed to do now? I told myself years ago that this day would come, that you would go before I do, that I’d be ready to watch you go when the time comes, but now…
But now, I know that I was never ready. I was never ready to lose you, and especially not this fast…
What am I going to do without you now?
It’s meaningless, a life without you. I just know that it is. That I would just go back to my old self, living without feeling. A fleeting existence. Just drifting through time forever…
What is ‘forever’ if I can’t feel it?
I look back at the window just behind me, and judging from the light, the sun is already rising.
If I couldn’t be with you…
Reluctantly, I let go of your hand and stand up. I walk to the window and pull the curtain aside. The sunlight burns my hands, but I ignore it as I open the window too.
It’s bright now in your room, filled with the sunlight that I know you had always loved but couldn’t ever take me into.
It stings. It burns.
Hissing with pain, I walk back to your bed and lie down beside you, burying my face into the crook of your now colder neck. The sun burns from my back, but your cold body in my arms feel nice.
It is slow, and it is painful, but still, I’m with you. And the last thing I’d ever see before I die is your face.
As the sunlight slowly consumes me, I lean up, kiss your cold lips, and smile.
Hey, Yuu… we’re even now, aren’t we?
~NeverEnding~
A/N: so yeah, random vampire fic. Nyahaha… was it weird? But do tell if you got teary-eyed? Anyway, please let me know what you think of it. And if you found errors or if you think it could’ve been better, please just say so and I’d probably fix it… when I get my laptop.
Thanks for reading and review would be loved!
p.s: For my Russian readers! I got two of my Yullen fics translated to Russian. The links are in my sidebar, under the "My Translated Fics" section, if you are interested ^^
Author:
a1y_puffFandom: D.Gray-Man
Pairing: Kanda/Allen or Allen/Kanda XD
Genre: Angst/Romance
Word Count: 1301
Rating: Umm PG?
Warning: AU, and… weird style? I’m experimenting again… oh, and death.
Summary: But you... Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am? “So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”
Disclaimer: Me owns neither Kanda nor Allen. They belong to each other. *cough cough*
A/N: This is the result of me staying up late until 2am and had a stuffy nose. Damn plotbunny jumping me at midnight and wouldn’t let me go until I wrote it down… And it was written at ungodly hours so I just hope it’ll be okay ^^;;
Oh, special thanks to
mitsu_syusuke for preview-reading it, and to lafuego for doing a quick-beta for this, even when both of you don't know who these two I'm writing about are. Love you ladies much!You are lying there, beautiful and pale. Fragile your body might be, but strong you are being right now. Daring Death to come and get you because, hey, it’s time anyway. It was the reason why you stubbornly decided to get out of the hospital two days ago, right? “The hospital stinks,” you said then, “I don’t want to die surrounded by this smell.”
So here you are now, in your room in our little apartment. And here I am now, sitting by your bedside, watching you breathing; slow yet steady.
You open your eyes slowly and turn your head to me. I smile at you, but you frown and glare at the window behind me.
“It’s nearly dawn, Moron, get away from the window,” you scold.
I can feel my smile widen. “It’s okay. The curtain’s thick. I’ll be fine.” Really, you could’ve just said it nicely if you’re worried about me. But then again, you wouldn’t be you if you actually say something nice, right?
You scowl at me, but then your eyes soften wistfully. “It’s about time, Beansprout,” you nearly whisper; right hand subconsciously moving to cover your left chest, over your failing heart.
“It’s okay, I’ll be here.” I put my hand over yours, and you say nothing about it.
You look at me and search my eyes, and I struggle to keep my smile intact. Yet you see it, don’t you? That fear and pain and the tears I refuse to shed.
“Is that stupid face of yours really the last thing I’d ever have to see before I die?” – ‘You don’t have to stay if it hurts you to watch me die.’
I look back at you, and try my best to smirk.
“Well, it sucks to be you, but yes, this stupid face of mine is going to be the last thing you’d ever see.” – ‘It’s okay. I want to stay.’
You snort. “Damn you.”
‘Thank you…’
Right, you’re not the sweetest person in existence, eh? I’d know, because I think I’ve met one before your time. Lenalee was her name. She was probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met in my long, extended life. She said the sweetest things too.
“I want to spend my forever with you,” she had said once, and that had made me smile.
But you… Do you remember what you told me once you found out who—what—I am?
“So you’ve been living for that long? Wow, that sucks.”
Those nonchalant words of yours had made me think back to the life I had been living for centuries. You know, if you’ve lived for so long and have seen too much, you’d slowly become numb. Feelings become insignificant, and you’d just breeze through the days, months and years, passing by without actually being there.
I had always been like that before; living without actually feeling alive, existing through times and yet losing count of time itself.
That was until I met you.
You’ve made me feel again. Those feelings I thought I’ve long forgotten; annoyance, admiration, anger, pain, a sense of companionship, affection…
…Love….
Something I’d thought I’d never feel anymore, especially not for you, of all people. But still, you made it happen, didn’t you? You’ve made us happen.
You were so strong. You still are. You’ve always been strong, but your body—your heart—isn’t. It’s failing you.
Twenty seven years. Such a short lifespan even for a human like you, isn’t it?
“Hey, Beansprout.”
“It’s Allen, BaKanda,” I reply automatically. “You’re never going to call me by my name, aren’t you?”
You give me a look, an unreadable look. And when I’m trying to decipher that look on your face, I notice your breathing is uneven, shallow and slow.
‘No…’
“Fine,” you say, and I throw a questioning glance at you. “Come here… Allen.”
And that’s the last of my defenses crumbling down with my name finally flowing out of your lips. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks, and if by now I still needed to breathe, I would’ve had difficulties doing it.
“What are you crying for, you idiot?” you chide, yet your voice is as gentle as it can ever get, and then you weakly raise a hand to wipe away my tears.
“Nothing,” I say, trying my best to smile and probably failing, judging from that smirk on your face.
“Moron. You cry because I call you by your name? Did you want it that badly?”
I thought I did. Really, I thought I’d cry tears of joy if ever I could get you to call me ‘Allen’.
But…
But if this is how you were going to say my name… if this is you saying goodbye…
“I love you,” I blurt out, clutching at your hand which is still on my right cheek like a lifeline. “I love you. God, I love you, Yuu...”
“I know, stupid,” you reply as you pull me closer. “I know.”
Then we kiss. Slow and chaste, unlike what we usually do when lust takes over. Then my lips move to your left cheek, your left eyelid, your forehead and back to your dry, chapped lips again.
And when I pull back, you whisper, “And it’s not just you.”
‘I love you too.’
Then I hear you gasp, your breathing ragged and then it becomes slower, shallower… I immediately tighten my grip on your hand, while yours loosen on mine.
Then, just for a second, your lips twitched upwards, forming the first and last small I’d ever see on you.
And then…
And then you’re just…
…gone...
I watch you. I watch your closed eyelids, your pale face, your beautiful, ethereal figure lying on your bed. Unmoving, lifeless… surreal.
Hey, your hand is still warm, you know. You look as if you’re just asleep. Except that you’ll never wake up from this one.
And again, my tears flow freely down my face. But right now I don’t bother to wipe it away, don’t care enough to hide it, because…
Because… you’re not here anymore, are you?
Hey, Yuu… tell me, what am I supposed to do now? I told myself years ago that this day would come, that you would go before I do, that I’d be ready to watch you go when the time comes, but now…
But now, I know that I was never ready. I was never ready to lose you, and especially not this fast…
What am I going to do without you now?
It’s meaningless, a life without you. I just know that it is. That I would just go back to my old self, living without feeling. A fleeting existence. Just drifting through time forever…
What is ‘forever’ if I can’t feel it?
I look back at the window just behind me, and judging from the light, the sun is already rising.
If I couldn’t be with you…
Reluctantly, I let go of your hand and stand up. I walk to the window and pull the curtain aside. The sunlight burns my hands, but I ignore it as I open the window too.
It’s bright now in your room, filled with the sunlight that I know you had always loved but couldn’t ever take me into.
It stings. It burns.
Hissing with pain, I walk back to your bed and lie down beside you, burying my face into the crook of your now colder neck. The sun burns from my back, but your cold body in my arms feel nice.
It is slow, and it is painful, but still, I’m with you. And the last thing I’d ever see before I die is your face.
As the sunlight slowly consumes me, I lean up, kiss your cold lips, and smile.
Hey, Yuu… we’re even now, aren’t we?
A/N: so yeah, random vampire fic. Nyahaha… was it weird? But do tell if you got teary-eyed? Anyway, please let me know what you think of it. And if you found errors or if you think it could’ve been better, please just say so and I’d probably fix it… when I get my laptop.
Thanks for reading and review would be loved!
p.s: For my Russian readers! I got two of my Yullen fics translated to Russian. The links are in my sidebar, under the "My Translated Fics" section, if you are interested ^^
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 12:10 pm (UTC)I always cry when characters die, especially my favourite ones((( *sobs*
but their love was very beautiful and touching^^
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 12:49 pm (UTC)Hehe, thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it ^^
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 01:02 pm (UTC)Honest, it was so beautiful and sad and cute and sweet and ... *sighs* So much love... ♥
You're mean to make me cry ... *pouts while rubbing her eyes*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 01:45 pm (UTC)And aww, thank you~! Glad that you enjoyed it even if it made you cry XD
Here, have a hug from Kanda *points at icon*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 01:47 pm (UTC)Kanda! *squeels* (lovely icon btw! XD) Thank you for the hug Kanda! even if she made you die ^^;
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 01:57 pm (UTC)Just dropping by to say I love this once again.. XD
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 02:25 pm (UTC)Thanks, I colored it myself though the art is from a doujin :D
(And rawr, I need an Allen-hugging-Kanda icon too XD)
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 02:26 pm (UTC)Thanks again! *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 02:30 pm (UTC)It's really nice! ^^^Would like to read the doujin... ^^
(*squeels* An Allen-hugging-Kanda icon!!! *dies*)
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 04:11 pm (UTC)beautiful story- but I have to ask: why didn`t Allen just turn Kanda? or even Lenalee?
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 04:27 pm (UTC)For Lenalee, let's just say Allen didn't want to turn her into a monster. Being a vampire isn't just being immortal. It's feeding on blood too, right? Animal's or human's, same thing.
As for Kanda, it's because he had said to Allen in the beginning: "So you've been living for that long? Wow, that sucks."
Meaning, Kanda didn't want that kind of life, and if Kanda didn't want it, Allen wouldn't do it coz he's considerate like that. If he insisted on turning Kanda, it'll be selfishness on Allen's part.
Hope that answered your question :)
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 04:30 pm (UTC)Yep, Allen mati. Yay. *disambit*
Hehe. Thx for reading :D
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 04:39 pm (UTC)And it's Allen/Kanda, not Kanda/Allen XD
If u want u can dl it on aarinfantasy. The title is Kiss and Rice Jerky by Seil :D
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 05:10 pm (UTC)And the reasons you gave for Allen not turning Lenalee of Kanda into vampires are so spot-on. x3
no subject
Date: 2009-11-05 05:36 pm (UTC)(leftover emo-ness from reading the latest DGM chapter strikes again! T.T)
twas a nice read. but you made me sad again.
...*sniff*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 12:24 am (UTC)*gives you Kanda's hug*
Thank you for reading~ glad it made you teary-eyed :p *bricked*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 12:31 am (UTC)And thanks again :)
Some people think the problem would be solved if Allen just bite Kanda and turn him, but I think it's never that simple, turning humans into something non-human.. And not everyone wants to be a vampire, right? ^^
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 03:34 am (UTC)No, really, I'm glad that the emotions got through to you that it made you cry, hehe...
And thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it ^^
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 07:53 am (UTC)I love you forever for writing thiiiiis. ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 02:41 pm (UTC)(like I promised)and it has to be angst. Not to mention a death!fic. *sulks unhappily*But despite the angst and death I do like the story and how it was written, very beautiful. And it's good that Allen didn't turn Kanda (and Lenalee) into vampires. It made the ending so much better because Allen chose to go with Kanda.
Err.. I found one little thing:
Then, just for a second, your lips twitched upwards, forming the first and last small I’d ever see on you.
Did you mean to say something like "...forming the first and last smile..."? Or maybe it was supposed to be "small smile"? Sorry if I'm mistaken but something is missing, so yeah....
Anyway, I lovely fic. Write something fluffy now please? XD
p.s. half-nya lagi Belanda, hehe....
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 02:53 pm (UTC)(And my brain's kinda angst-ridden to begin with, so.. Ouch? XD;)
Thanks for reading! I'm glad you somewhat enjoyed it :D
And oh God, typos... Hawhaw.. Maklum, ngetiknya di warnet en beta-nya diminta dadakan pas lagi flu and it was late at night at her part of the globe, so she probably missed that XD;
Will fix it as soon as I go to the net café again~
As for something fluffy, I can't write a new fic coz my PC's dead, BUT I have a fluffy fic before, if you haven't read: http://a1y-puff.livejournal.com/61285.html#cutid2
Or the Yullen fics on my sidebar mostly have a little fluff in them xD
P.S. Oh, Belanda? Nice~ tinggi dong? :D
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 02:55 pm (UTC)Much thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it ^^
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 02:59 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked it :D
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 03:42 pm (UTC)Wow, you're able to write fic in a warnet? I find those places very uncomfortable, and I really don't like to work on unfamiliar (and often crappy) computers so I think you've done a great job writing this anyway. :D
Hopefully your PC can be fixed soon. A dead PC is a nightmare! I feel for you~!
Yay for fluffy fics, I'll go check it out. I had a bad evening, I need something fluffy to make it better...
Hmm.. terakhir ngukur sekitar 172 cm. Jadi lumayan tinggilah. XD
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 04:47 pm (UTC)Actually I wrote it on paper first, at 2am in the morning. LoL. I actually can't really write on paper, but the muse was so strong XD
Then I typed it at a warnet while adding lots of thing while I was on it. But, as the general fangirl rules dictates, I procrastinated too much (billingnya mpe mahal gt XD) so yeah, I probably typed it wrong when I typed in a hurry after being horror-struck by the bill XD
Dead PC isn't just a nightmare. It makes me feel empty and incomplete! *lebay*
Wah, 172?
...
Bagi 5cm dong? XD
*is a shortie*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-06 05:27 pm (UTC)I'm a sucker for happy endings :DOuch.. the bill must have been painful for your wallet if made you horror-struck.
I know! When I can't use my PC it's so boooriiiing~! Wait. Does that mean I'm addicted? XD
Haha... gimana cara baginya? Jangan donk, aku sudah kalah tinggi sama adikku sekarang. Apalagi kalau dikurangi 5cm lagi! *pats chibi a1y* XD
*goes off to sleep now* Will continue reading more fic tomorrow.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-07 02:42 am (UTC)Though relatively happy ending is nice too (like dying together? XD)
Oh yeah it was. I ended up having Paket Attack in KFC for lunch afterwards. LoL. Moral of the day: if you're writing/typing in a warnet, do not, I repeat, DO NOT procrastinate! XD
Oh most fangirls can't live without their PCs, so yeah, maybe we're addicted xD
Ouch, chibi. Uda gt mukaku termasuk baby face. Jadi makin sering dikira anak2, lolz.
Adikmu cowo/cewe? Kalo cowo kan wajar lebih tinggi XD
And lol, happy reading then? XD
no subject
Date: 2009-11-09 06:51 am (UTC)Thanks for the link! I'm gonna try downloading it somewhere this week !! ^^
no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 08:36 pm (UTC)far-reaching
Date: 2011-11-30 07:26 pm (UTC)